New Year. New Vow.

          I’m in trouble. I have a problem. I need to do something about it. I am a shopaholic. I love shopping. I do it unconsciously. I find way too much pleasure in it. I need to stop. So after reflecting and seeing some major damage that was done over the Christmas madness, I’m putting my plastic away. As I write this I’m freaking out a little. I have vowed to only carry cash with me for the next 2 months; of course I’ll have my debit card on me for any emergencies, but really doesn’t needing that new pair of shoes count? Well in the past, yes. Do I really need to stock up on soap and make up? What would happen if I allowed for my products to run out before purchasing a new container of it? Would the world really end? Well I guess I’ll find out soon enough.
            If you know me personally, not only do I love shopping for clothes and shoes, I have a need to stock up on supplies. There’s this feeling of panic and loss when I run out of toothpaste, lotion, shampoo, soap, anything. I’m not even exaggerating, my fiancé can attest to this. I go to Costco to buy toothbrush head refills that will last me 2 years. I buy toothpaste and floss from Costco as well, because that too will last me for months if not a full year. I don’t like to run out of things that I use. This little phobia of mine also comes into play with shoes and clothes. While I love to dress up and feel good about what I’m wearing, I have a tendency to feel like I’m running out of things. I feel like that I couldn’t live with only one pair of skinny jeans in dark denim; I have to have at least 2 even if I only wear the 1. Usually I have multiples of everything to the point that I never even cut the tags off of clothes before they are no longer in style or I’ve lost interest in them. This is bad. This is a problem. I know this. I tell people this. I help people clean out their closets. I’ve worked on it in therapy, but I think I’m going to actually try and do something about it, starting now.
            So the real question everyone says I should ask when buying things is “do I need it or want it?” Well here’s my argument. How often do we actually need anything? I need food, but do I need to get the food I actually buy? I could live off of bare minimum. Also do I really need to even cut my hair and do my nails then? No. I do these things because it makes me feel good about myself and I buy food that I enjoy eating and are healthy, other wise what’s the point of living? I think for me I go to the extreme and that question people tell me to ask myself before buying is ridicules in my mind and never works because I will argue my way out of it and justify my “need” for it. So, a new tactic is needed for me. I’ve decided to try and pay for everything I want or need in cash. This way if I really like something or want it, I’ll either have it on me or I’ll have to go home and think about it and get the cash to come back and get it.  The point of this I think will be to make me have to think about what I’m spending money on.  When I use plastic, it’s too easy. It’s become thoughtless and I can always justify that I’m saving up my points for miles.
            I love bargains and discounts. I use it to justify spending. Now sometimes it is great to get a discount on a pair of shoes you’ve been eyeing, but I’ll buy things because it’s a bargain not even because I really wanted it to begin with. It’s almost a sport for me this bargain hunting. This I’ve been slowly weaning out of my life since I’ve decided I’ve much rather have quality over quantity no matter the price, but I find that old habits really do die hard. So this is still a constant thing I’m working on. Of course if I’m out to get something I will search high and low for the best price. I hate new years resolutions, I think they are dumb and no one actually remembers them past February, if that. So my vow to my future and myself is to only buy with cash until March 1st. That’s 2 full month of cash and hoping I can survive with out a credit card (excluding my auto bill pay of course).  

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