This year I told myself I was going to take more action and do things that scare me or make me want to hide. One of these things is to take a clown class. Back in NYC when I first took the class, I use to dread it. I would love watching everyone else participating, but I hated it when it was my turn. I could never just let go, release and just have fun. It was a very dark time in my life. I had just failed out of the acting program in college and was told I was “not strong enough” to continue in the acting department. I did however; get into an intensive and prestigious 6-week summer program in NYC. So, completely lost, scared, and confused I moved to NYC for the summer.
I realized that these programs could be nurturing and safe again for me to explore and have fun, the problem was that I had completely lost that ability. I wasn’t able to allow myself to have fun. The clown class was the worst because at the time, I was too scared of messing up or failing again. I was told there was a right way and a wrong way in art. I forgot the whole reason why I loved acting and wanted to do it in the first place, for FUN. Somehow I completely lost sight of this aspect in creativity, art, and life. I had never failed at anything before. I worked hard and got what I went after. Failure on this level was something new to me. Looking back, it was a good thing. It made me stronger. It made me fight and keep fighting for what I want. It’s made me who I am today.
So now, years later, I’m back taking the same class. This time, the class is across the country in Los Angeles. This time, the difference is that I’m cravingfun. I seek it out. I need it. Maybe because I’m ready for it, I’m able to learn the lessons that clowning teaches …joy. The whole purpose of clowning is to find the joy in what your doing. Sometimes you’ll fail miserably, but if you are able to share your failure with the audience and accept it, it’s really not a failure. It’s about committing fully and sharing. It’s really all about finding joy in everything you do. I’m not sure if it’s maturity or what, but while the class is structured exactly the same with the same exercises, I’m actually able to abandon my inhibitions and go for it. I hear the tiny voice of “don’t’ mess up, try this, try that, be funny, what if they don’t like you,” but this time I’m able to move past the voice and go. I choose to take the class, I choose to be here, I choose to try and have some fun.
I think if you try to have some fun in your life, including your clothes, make up, and style, you will always look your best. If you find the joy in making yourself look your best, it won’t be a chore, but it will be fun. Happiness from within always shines thru so does your beauty. I find the most beautiful people are happy inside and out. Life’s too serious, so lets find some joy in it.